The real world

I'm finding out that the real world is a scary place. It's a place of sacrifice and norms. It eats childhood dreams and kills hopes but u can maintain sanity if you can conform enough to blend in. You give up carnal pleasures or dare to be outcast. You give up comfort for the promise of a future. Although you quickly become aware that the future lies on a whim and can fall from reach in seconds. Everyone welcomes you in but no one really cares if you're successful or homeless. There's an air of disapointment amongst successful and destitute alike. It's a dark place that needs a hero that looks to movies and books for an escape. I use to want to be that hero but only a few months into the real world I understand the average desire to be mediocre. It's enough to just want to get by. It's satisfying knowing you can survive this hell hole. I'm a new man a driven one and my drive is to make a life for myself I no longer have the desire to ascend to greatness and have my name permanently engraved in history. My goals are to survive this shit we've built around ourselves.

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When do you leave behind the fallen, when do you move on?

When do you move on after a tragedy? When can you say you did everything you could but it's time for me to go? I'm in a rough patch of life right now caught at an impasse and in need of guidance but for the first time no one wants to give it to me. There's an aching in my stomach and a throbbing in my head. It feels like a break up. But we're still together, I'm borderline nauseous all the time. It feels over, I don't want it to be but that's how it feels. I've now flunked out of school and I'm wondering where to go with my life I'm experiencing the same pain as when Kaela left me but it shouldn't I took her back cause I love her. I told her not to make me regret it. I'm in so much pain right now I don't even know if I can look her in the face. There's this fire burning in side me and it's burning every emotion I knew it's consuming the nice guy I am I'm learning that I'm molded so easily by matters of the heart and I'm becoming cold an lifeless. In the mirror some chiseled chin is scowling back at me for no apparent reason. I'm a new person and i don't know if she'll accept me but I know I cant go back. I may be moving on one way or another here shortly cause I don't like where this whole relationship is headed.