The people need Saints.

I recently finished the video game Saints Row the third, and Assassin's Creed Revelations. There's a common theme,Leadership,rising to a position of power to lead men and follow them. The assassins sought world peace though a secret order that fights to keep the world powers in check. Through the series they across the modern world inspiring people to challenge the standards governments sanctioned. Masyaf, Syria where the Hashashins were stationed after going underground. Then to Italy to battle the first steps of corruption in church and state. Finishing off in Constantinople at the height of the Ottoman empire. I'm beginning to feel like the people don't have that voice. They didn't then and the only time they ever did was around the 1700's when a group decided tyranny had worn out it's welcome. for centuries since 1776 we've been slowly handing over power. until the people were once again handled by its government.
In Saints Row the lead character is head of a gang (the Saints)who has built an empire in a large city coming from a small hood called saints row. After eliminating all the other gangs in Stillwater, bringing down the controlling company that was secretly running them. Corruption had bled the police force dry. The huge conglomerate Ultor controlled shops, thew local real estate even the public office itself. Throughout the struggle money keeps people looking the other way and supporting the wrong side of the fight. Although the Saints have typical motives that drive gangs money and control, they're cause is a lesser of two evils. After destroying Ultor's reigns of Stillwater, Conflict arises in a similarly crime stricken city Steelport. The major gangs in this new city are collaborating working together to run Steelport and looking to expand their kingdom to Stillwater and inadvertently bring the fire of the of the gang turned pop culture idols raining on the Gotham-like city. These united gangs called themselves the syndicate, and after methodically dismantling them the saints rule the city keeping the people safe and bringing in more money than imaginable.

Even in Batman knows that a collapsing city needs a needs a focus to save it. When joined together in masses people can build, support and resurrect civilizations. Here the people need something they can stand behind America has fallen from grace. They've clung to false idols, the church, alcohol, slavery, women's rights and politics. politics were the most recent because only recently has it been so controlled. We vote an 3 years later nothing has changed. We celebrate democracy we do not have. We have become Stillwater, we have become Steelport, 1400's Rome and Gotham. The crimes are organized and above the law. We elect people to control where our money goes instead of deciding ourselves. Symbols and faces ideas and gangs, the revolution has to start some where and the people need saints to follow, or we're all going down in a flaming plane.

I use to say look to the skies for a sign, for a signal to make your move. Now I'm telling you to look for saints. A saint is an exceptional person, one who rises above all expectations of what a person can be. A saint's purpose is to lead others to become more like them and in turn a society toward perfection. L4S

What I needed in a mentor

I've always had trouble finding role models I have very high standards for what I want out of myself so I expeact a role model to exceeds those.  I always look to superhero comic book characters and action movie saviors. But as I'm trying to find a path I've at least got someone who can provide a little direction. My cousin Amanda and I have recently come into contact and its been really nice to go through her with some of my thoughts. About school and life in general. She's not too much older only 24 but she's seen alot more than I have in an academic sense. I'm really struggling with my path right now trying to pick a direction and trying to find out which choices are going to get me to where I want to be.

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Dreams part one

Recently I read of was good to document your dreams so I've decided this is the best place to do it. This time I've noticed my brother was particularly hairy so I cracked a joke and he decided to start shaving right there I told him that was gross and he threw something at me a towel or pillow covered in hair and it got in my mouth and caused me to feel hair all down my esophagus releasing a fit of coughs. But I was coughing up and spitting out more than hair, blood and a pen my brother and I got into a tussle an then I woke up.

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Is life an offer or a purse to snatch

Is life something that is offered to you do youbsot back and wait for fortune to fall in your lap? Or is it a purse clearly stuffed with fame and money friendship and romance leaning on a table because the owner is ordering inside. Fortune rains down on a very select few but for most of us we must be aggressive and take our needs and wants. They're left dangling out in front of our faces. We're forced to choose between what we want and the comfort we have. Stay in Consistence and mediocrity or leap the gap for opulence and adventure. I'm finding that I am a minority, many of my peers desire nothing more than to obtain what they already have there's no motivation for fancy cars large houses and expensive vacations. "Well it'd be nice but I'd never get there." They want the 3 bedroom house the white pickett fence 2.4 kids and a dog. I want pleasure I've found the happiness in friends and family that some search for their whole life. However now I want that higher level comfort that comes with money I want the lax lifestyle that comes with passive income and I want the joys of unemployment. A tall order? I don't think so just a bit of perseverance and entrepreneurial thinking I can do anything. Now what I'm worried about is taking the necessary steps to get where I want to be because in the past not thinking ahead has kept me out of a few of the places that I wanted to be.

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Changes

Ezio is finally home with me. It's so nice to have my pup its been a long time coming. He's a husky and will be 1 year September 13th. I'm cleaning the basement out so I can move down there and I'm also looking for another job to fund my short term aspiration of DJing/ becoming a music producer. My recording studio seems so close and I have until my birthday to open it =/. I'm doing well with saving but my mom keeps taking my money. This family is still draining me. there has to be a better way to get to my dreams and obtain that currency then this day to day struggle.

New Man New Dream

I'm supporting my mother and brother, but I'm starting to realize I shouldn't my mom owes me $1500 and I don't ever see it coming back. These troubles are not my fault and I shouldn't have to work my ass off for them. I have a dream I need to support I've been very careful not to accidentally start a family but here I am supporting one anyways. This new dream has come with a new persona. I'm a new man but now I have to decide whether its acceptable for a growing expanding person to leave those who have taken care of him in his youth because he has new ambitions that they take away from. They work me to the bone trying to help me clean the house they've trashed, they take my money to pay bills that should be covered. I've ascended to the position of man of the family and I know for a fact that this position will drain anyone who stays there too long. I want to be rich I have expensive short term goals and I have a future family to think about. Should I be concerned with this drain of a family? they've got a losing equation and have now put me in the mix.

I think its time for me to become independent but I don't think I can do it with them draining me. I'm going to start planning my life without them. But that means I have to cut them out of the plan I've got. I've got no room to plan for them but here I am giving them money to support them selves it's so much easier if I support myself...and my dog I forget about him a lot but he's an expense for me now and I think the new responsibility of him is all I should be worried about. not this family I didn't create its unreasonable for a son to be half grown and have to worry about supporting his parents and brother. I should never have to support my brother,and in this day and age my parent either. Grown working age folks should be able to support themselves. my mom works 3 jobs and dad has been unemployed for 10 years this isn't my fault.

the other night I had this dream where a friend we'll call her CH and it was a 1950's setting where she met me at the door with a martini and a kiss in a sun dress and apron and we had 4 kids one on the way and the house was huge and the bills were paid and that was a great storybook life for me. My job was working for myself, and I was very wealthy. The 50's aren't exactly what I was looking for but all the family and money is what i want I was in my thirties and happy and for that to happen I can't waste time with my family draining me.

Emergence

I've wallowed in the pit of dependence and atoned for my own failures. At the point of acceptance with mediocre and the summit of elitism flying its flag in mockery, casting a shadow on the herd of ordinary people who had given up dreaming for practicality. I found strength. I grew strong on others' self pity, coming to terms with the facts of society. No, I need not depend on a woman for companionship or lean to a friend for advice, not even gaze up and look to God for advice. I now see the roots of the label I'd put on myself so long ago. I am a humanist. My strength comes from within, and when I look to the outside and give up control I am weak and weakness causes unhappiness. The light is finally shining on me. My dawn is rising, and what a glorious day it will be. I'm the master and commander of this vessel. I steer it through storm and sun, until night comes to claim me again. But I have learned next time I shall rest through the night instead of fighting the darkness with a candle.

I was in love with her. Kaela Maynard was a name that has haunted me for two years now but I've finally moved on I would like to apologize to anyone I hurt in the interm because whether in bed or in companionship you were not her and I unfairly held you to that standard. Kaela taught me the best things a girl can teach a guy and I am the lover and boyfriend I am now because of her. 4 girls tried to make it work and 4 girls failed because I didn't give them the attention they needed this last one made me see. Tall brunette I couldn't get past the first date because you were not the lover Kaela was and we fought about it. I want to thank you for understanding and I'm glad to call you my first friend ex. I've been able to befriend other ex's now and Kaela someday we'll be friends I'm sure. But now this man will be a man once again for the girls that come along thanx to a loud Italian girl with a seductive smile.

I'm the money guy. Money will be what I worry about until my yacht is bought paid for and sitting in a marina accessible only by helicopter from my mansion on the mountainside in Switzerland. It was all I worried about for the longest time. But now I have a plan to make money and get rich like I've always wanted. For the first time in my life I know what I want and how I'm going to get there. It feels so good to be on top of things for a change. And I've only started a month or so ago and I'm already made tons more money than usual.

I'm better I'm happier I'm more focused. I'm finding true love in social networking I believe that and currency/stock knowledge will be the keys to my future. G+ twitter and blogger are where the world is headed Facebook introduced a world to the joys of staying connected through the internet twitter showed us we're all people celebs politicians and us regulars can all tweet on the same feed. Now Google has shown people that it can be simple to bring all of your networking to one place. All one has to do is use it, and become great I'll be trying my luck as a DJ and music producer and all my exploits will be here and on twitter and on G+.

Thanx to my dudes who stood by me SK + nick

The real world

I'm finding out that the real world is a scary place. It's a place of sacrifice and norms. It eats childhood dreams and kills hopes but u can maintain sanity if you can conform enough to blend in. You give up carnal pleasures or dare to be outcast. You give up comfort for the promise of a future. Although you quickly become aware that the future lies on a whim and can fall from reach in seconds. Everyone welcomes you in but no one really cares if you're successful or homeless. There's an air of disapointment amongst successful and destitute alike. It's a dark place that needs a hero that looks to movies and books for an escape. I use to want to be that hero but only a few months into the real world I understand the average desire to be mediocre. It's enough to just want to get by. It's satisfying knowing you can survive this hell hole. I'm a new man a driven one and my drive is to make a life for myself I no longer have the desire to ascend to greatness and have my name permanently engraved in history. My goals are to survive this shit we've built around ourselves.

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When do you leave behind the fallen, when do you move on?

When do you move on after a tragedy? When can you say you did everything you could but it's time for me to go? I'm in a rough patch of life right now caught at an impasse and in need of guidance but for the first time no one wants to give it to me. There's an aching in my stomach and a throbbing in my head. It feels like a break up. But we're still together, I'm borderline nauseous all the time. It feels over, I don't want it to be but that's how it feels. I've now flunked out of school and I'm wondering where to go with my life I'm experiencing the same pain as when Kaela left me but it shouldn't I took her back cause I love her. I told her not to make me regret it. I'm in so much pain right now I don't even know if I can look her in the face. There's this fire burning in side me and it's burning every emotion I knew it's consuming the nice guy I am I'm learning that I'm molded so easily by matters of the heart and I'm becoming cold an lifeless. In the mirror some chiseled chin is scowling back at me for no apparent reason. I'm a new person and i don't know if she'll accept me but I know I cant go back. I may be moving on one way or another here shortly cause I don't like where this whole relationship is headed.

Is the sun rising? Apollo are you there?

Where's the love? Where's Ra, Helios, Apollo? Where's mercy and love and smiles and the sun. Times are dark the darkest I've ever seen, but only in the dark does a candle become a beacon and a lantern show the way. Gas prices have hit a ridiculous high and show no signs of coming back down. The money is gone distributed again amongst the wealthy and in other countries. The rest of us have each other to lean on relationships are blossoming because when everything else is shit its nice to have someone to hold your hand. Only this time people are realizing they need something else. The economy is starting to resemble that of the early 1930's. There's something is different about this round though, there isn't a sun to cheer anyone up. The sun along with good weather have been absent all spring. I'm having a hard time being positive when I'm hungry and cold all the time. Not to mention my I'm fighting a lot with Christian. I suspect we're at each other's throats a lot because we're both so frustrated with life right now but its so hard to tell when you're neck deep in a dark pit of the real world.
Here's the kicker I'm feeling different I had a dream about solving mysteries last nite. after the mystery was solved I didn't wake up this is the first time I didn't have a dream about being batman and killing my friends in I don't know how long. the Dream went on to lead me into a group of kids I'd never met before. But I knew them I knew about their likes and dislikes. We all solved the mystery together and we're hanging out in a very busy restaurant where people knew us on a fist name basis. it was absolutely invigorating. I was extremely curious as to how I'd reached this point in my life. Apparently I had started a business with these 4 other people two guys and two girls. Both girls were pretty tall but we were such good friends. Now I think that I'm on the right track. I need to focus in and make things right with the universe, because I'm about to come on to something good.

Someday Wedding

There's a lot to be said about finding that significant other. Most people believe there is someone else that is destined for them, a soul mate. Its an unrealistic idea and even if it were true always being able to find that person in a lifetime would be near impossible considering the magnitude of our population. Sometimes we find someone that feels right and we know that there are lots of possibilities for break-ups down the road none of that matters because we've finally found someone we want it to work with. I thought I'd found that before but the other party felt differently. Now I've found another, I've definitely upgraded but I get the feeling that she wants to make it work as well. I have decided in the last year or so that I'm actually ready to find that "soul mate" and begin life plans. Now that she's here I'm nervous Billionaire playboy is submitting to family man with money. I've tried to pick girls out of the wood work but now I see that it just happens, you put yourself out there and then someone shows up. I've found someone and I'm ready for kids and the house and the whole nine yards. Christian is quickly becoming my life, mia farfalla, my butterfly. only thing now is the money to support me her and children. the wedding is the next thing I'm gonna need to save for. It's gonna be a big one I call it the someday wedding but the reality is someday is barreling toward me at lightning speeds. the problem is life wants to get things started but I'm not ready financially.
So I'm working toward that someday. I would catch a grenade for her. She's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. and now that I'm entering a darker time in my life she's there for me so positive and caring and I just want Christian to know this is more than I've ever felt for anyone. And although I know she doesn't get to hear it all the time I'm thankful for everything she does and as long as she's by my side I'll make it through anything. I'm not as tough on the outside as I use to be but I can be better as long as shes supporting me. She's more than the wind in my sails shes the left hand of Zues guiding me home and Posideon's sea-foam horses keeping the waters calm and the stars in the sky that keep me dreaming. My dream was running away from here, as far as possible but now I'm caring a lot less about where I am as long as who I'm with is her. Thanks Christian Iloveu Butterfly.

Sweet Dreams and Beautiful Nightmares

I'm a different kind of kid, I know that. My dreams are weirder than most peoples because they always lead me down some kind of crazy path, or make me see things in a completely different light. Some people try to explain that I see too much in my dreams but I know my dreams are my subconscious, in a sense, me answering my own questions. I lack guidance in many areas, I often feel like I'm stumbling through someone else's life without a road map for where I'm going. I find sometimes that I'm not sure what I want or what I'm feeling until I dream about it. lately though my dreams seem to be focusing on something. I'm not sure what yet but its got me restless at night. I'm not sleeping well because my mind is in a constant race. I'm thinking and functioning all night although technically I'm asleep. For sometime now by day I'm a student and by night I'm Batman. Not the regular Batman though more like a cross between Batman and the Dark Angel I'm constantly killing people for their sins and more recently the sinners are past friends. Killing people I know, in extremely graphic ways I might add, is disturbing and scary. But the feelings I feel when I'm Batman killing people are the most disturbing part of this whole ordeal.
Killing won't ever feel right dream or not but the deaths in my dream seem more like a job, a necessary evil to improve the standard of living. The fear I'm instilling in this dream society gives me purpose. I'm in control of their morals and principles. the dream always starts and ends with a chase and there is only one kill a night. In the beginning I'm observing someone in sin. Last night it was an executive who was intent on raising the prices of oil at his company so he could by a boat before spring. While on the phone he caught a glimpse of me and disappeared from his office escaping into the main portion of the building. I chased him through the building and right out the front door. Of course the building was in the middle of a huge destitute city where the rain never seems to stop. I chased him into a neighboring parking garage. He struggled at his car door with the key and I caught up to him before he could get inside. My hands on each of his shoulders I was now looking into the eyes of my friend Taylor. His eyes were searching my for pity or mercy or even forgiveness hoping that I might remember the relationship we once had and I did remember, but it changed nothing. I wrapped a wire around his neck and swung him in between the buildings on my way to the docks. We arrived at the largest boat in the marina. He was gasping for air but I had a job to do no time to waste. I held him over the edge of the boat and pressed his face into the running motor and let the bay turn red around the boat. I looked up to the sky and rose from my deed. As I turned back to the city we met eyes. It was her again. To date she's witnessed every kill, tall black boots a full length dark green (I'd often mistaken it for black) leather coat and shoulder length red hair that was always getting longer and always hiding just enough of her face to keep me curious. I gave chase again just as always through the city she always leads me on a different path to the same place. She reaches the warehouse way before I do. As she reaches the edge of the skylight, she turns and I can feel her eyes piercing me with judgment even though I can't see them. But I'm within reach now almost close enough to get a look at her face. Every time I go to grab her hand she falls backward, crashing through the glass cascading into the darkness and I jump after her but my motion falling through the dark wakes me up.
What should I be reading out of this dream what's the message its pretty much the same story every night but there's no violent awakening, no gasping, or cold sweats just an unsettling reoccurring dream.

Moving at the speed of light into eternity

Sometimes I feel like I'm moving too fast with her and other times it's not fast enough. I feel so in love and I wanna rush along the future, but I don't wanna end up heartbroken all over again. Yeah we have our moments but a good relationship does. She's my light and my guide. She's given me motivation which I felt a bit guilty for deriving that from her but I'm hopping I give her positive feelings as well. I feel like we're good for eachother and a good couple a strong couple. I just don't wanna rush b/c I'm afraid to be alone for the rest of my life. I wanna be with her without that cloud of fear, so I know that she's the one. I feel like she's 100% the one. I also am ready to do anything for her. I think its gonna work out just fine I just need to relax and let love happen, its something I have trouble with just letting things happen its part of why I'm not very religious I fewel like I'm in control of every aspect of my life and I need to handle it all as it comes a t me. As the eagles said I need to just take it easy.

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The future needs making

Im surprised at college kids attitude toward the future. Now that im here i wonder where all the optimism went. We use to believe we could make anything happen and probably could of. But the more we grow up the more i c alot of people with rather bleek outlooks. Most of us now expect that the future will b much of the same. Some times i feel like im the only one who can make the future happen...flying cars, life on the moon, contact with aliens, crunchy n milk cereal, anything anywhere we can make it happen. I just wish people would look to the skies and see more than clouds and stars.

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