There's a lot to be said about finding that significant other. Most people believe there is someone else that is destined for them, a soul mate. Its an unrealistic idea and even if it were true always being able to find that person in a lifetime would be near impossible considering the magnitude of our population. Sometimes we find someone that feels right and we know that there are lots of possibilities for break-ups down the road none of that matters because we've finally found someone we want it to work with. I thought I'd found that before but the other party felt differently. Now I've found another, I've definitely upgraded but I get the feeling that she wants to make it work as well. I have decided in the last year or so that I'm actually ready to find that "soul mate" and begin life plans. Now that she's here I'm nervous Billionaire playboy is submitting to family man with money. I've tried to pick girls out of the wood work but now I see that it just happens, you put yourself out there and then someone shows up. I've found someone and I'm ready for kids and the house and the whole nine yards. Christian is quickly becoming my life, mia farfalla, my butterfly. only thing now is the money to support me her and children. the wedding is the next thing I'm gonna need to save for. It's gonna be a big one I call it the someday wedding but the reality is someday is barreling toward me at lightning speeds. the problem is life wants to get things started but I'm not ready financially.
So I'm working toward that someday. I would catch a grenade for her. She's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. and now that I'm entering a darker time in my life she's there for me so positive and caring and I just want Christian to know this is more than I've ever felt for anyone. And although I know she doesn't get to hear it all the time I'm thankful for everything she does and as long as she's by my side I'll make it through anything. I'm not as tough on the outside as I use to be but I can be better as long as shes supporting me. She's more than the wind in my sails shes the left hand of Zues guiding me home and Posideon's sea-foam horses keeping the waters calm and the stars in the sky that keep me dreaming. My dream was running away from here, as far as possible but now I'm caring a lot less about where I am as long as who I'm with is her. Thanks Christian Iloveu Butterfly.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Sweet Dreams and Beautiful Nightmares
I'm a different kind of kid, I know that. My dreams are weirder than most peoples because they always lead me down some kind of crazy path, or make me see things in a completely different light. Some people try to explain that I see too much in my dreams but I know my dreams are my subconscious, in a sense, me answering my own questions. I lack guidance in many areas, I often feel like I'm stumbling through someone else's life without a road map for where I'm going. I find sometimes that I'm not sure what I want or what I'm feeling until I dream about it. lately though my dreams seem to be focusing on something. I'm not sure what yet but its got me restless at night. I'm not sleeping well because my mind is in a constant race. I'm thinking and functioning all night although technically I'm asleep. For sometime now by day I'm a student and by night I'm Batman. Not the regular Batman though more like a cross between Batman and the Dark Angel I'm constantly killing people for their sins and more recently the sinners are past friends. Killing people I know, in extremely graphic ways I might add, is disturbing and scary. But the feelings I feel when I'm Batman killing people are the most disturbing part of this whole ordeal.
Killing won't ever feel right dream or not but the deaths in my dream seem more like a job, a necessary evil to improve the standard of living. The fear I'm instilling in this dream society gives me purpose. I'm in control of their morals and principles. the dream always starts and ends with a chase and there is only one kill a night. In the beginning I'm observing someone in sin. Last night it was an executive who was intent on raising the prices of oil at his company so he could by a boat before spring. While on the phone he caught a glimpse of me and disappeared from his office escaping into the main portion of the building. I chased him through the building and right out the front door. Of course the building was in the middle of a huge destitute city where the rain never seems to stop. I chased him into a neighboring parking garage. He struggled at his car door with the key and I caught up to him before he could get inside. My hands on each of his shoulders I was now looking into the eyes of my friend Taylor. His eyes were searching my for pity or mercy or even forgiveness hoping that I might remember the relationship we once had and I did remember, but it changed nothing. I wrapped a wire around his neck and swung him in between the buildings on my way to the docks. We arrived at the largest boat in the marina. He was gasping for air but I had a job to do no time to waste. I held him over the edge of the boat and pressed his face into the running motor and let the bay turn red around the boat. I looked up to the sky and rose from my deed. As I turned back to the city we met eyes. It was her again. To date she's witnessed every kill, tall black boots a full length dark green (I'd often mistaken it for black) leather coat and shoulder length red hair that was always getting longer and always hiding just enough of her face to keep me curious. I gave chase again just as always through the city she always leads me on a different path to the same place. She reaches the warehouse way before I do. As she reaches the edge of the skylight, she turns and I can feel her eyes piercing me with judgment even though I can't see them. But I'm within reach now almost close enough to get a look at her face. Every time I go to grab her hand she falls backward, crashing through the glass cascading into the darkness and I jump after her but my motion falling through the dark wakes me up.
What should I be reading out of this dream what's the message its pretty much the same story every night but there's no violent awakening, no gasping, or cold sweats just an unsettling reoccurring dream.
Killing won't ever feel right dream or not but the deaths in my dream seem more like a job, a necessary evil to improve the standard of living. The fear I'm instilling in this dream society gives me purpose. I'm in control of their morals and principles. the dream always starts and ends with a chase and there is only one kill a night. In the beginning I'm observing someone in sin. Last night it was an executive who was intent on raising the prices of oil at his company so he could by a boat before spring. While on the phone he caught a glimpse of me and disappeared from his office escaping into the main portion of the building. I chased him through the building and right out the front door. Of course the building was in the middle of a huge destitute city where the rain never seems to stop. I chased him into a neighboring parking garage. He struggled at his car door with the key and I caught up to him before he could get inside. My hands on each of his shoulders I was now looking into the eyes of my friend Taylor. His eyes were searching my for pity or mercy or even forgiveness hoping that I might remember the relationship we once had and I did remember, but it changed nothing. I wrapped a wire around his neck and swung him in between the buildings on my way to the docks. We arrived at the largest boat in the marina. He was gasping for air but I had a job to do no time to waste. I held him over the edge of the boat and pressed his face into the running motor and let the bay turn red around the boat. I looked up to the sky and rose from my deed. As I turned back to the city we met eyes. It was her again. To date she's witnessed every kill, tall black boots a full length dark green (I'd often mistaken it for black) leather coat and shoulder length red hair that was always getting longer and always hiding just enough of her face to keep me curious. I gave chase again just as always through the city she always leads me on a different path to the same place. She reaches the warehouse way before I do. As she reaches the edge of the skylight, she turns and I can feel her eyes piercing me with judgment even though I can't see them. But I'm within reach now almost close enough to get a look at her face. Every time I go to grab her hand she falls backward, crashing through the glass cascading into the darkness and I jump after her but my motion falling through the dark wakes me up.
What should I be reading out of this dream what's the message its pretty much the same story every night but there's no violent awakening, no gasping, or cold sweats just an unsettling reoccurring dream.
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