The struggle to be motivated to struggle

Life is a constant, it's the same for everyone. your born, you suffer, and you die. There doesn't seem to be much else to life when you look through that looking glass. How do you look at it? is it a constant complaint or is there more to life sickness and death. How many of us can honestly say we've enjoyed every second of life? Now consider how many minutes you've wasted on your knees staring up at the sky looking for signs of the one you pray to in a vain attempt to convince yourself that you're so important that he will change his plans for you. When is the last time you walked through the rain just to feel nature grab hold of you and seep into your soul? Now when was the last time you complained about the rain? see what I mean we just accept that things should be handed to us. But they almost never are, so why do we expect it? I sit, every day, in the RPAC watching people walk by as I do my work and studying and I've found that no one notices anyone else. The majority of people are on their own agenda that shouldn't dare be interrupted by others.
I bring all this up because all to often I feel all of these emotions and cannot get past them. They always lead to a bout of demotivation, nothing seems worth doing and nothing seems worth my time or effort. Somewhere in my haze I find motivation in the betterment of myself and vow never to let it go again. Right now I'm on the up swing and this current of motivation that is running through me at the present has lasted longer than usual. I think I've finally found myself. After my last break up, which still burns to think about, I told my self I was going to be the best man any woman could ever want. I got back in the weight room, I started running again, I picked up my love for learning languages all over again and laid out a life plan for myself. But this is the most difficult thing I've ever done. getting up sometime before 6 am everyday, to go on a run is difficult, finding some way to engage all my muscles every other day is more difficult and keeping my self on my path is the most difficult. You have to know when to hold up the fort walls and when to retreat. So far I stood my post as I was told, go to school, get good grades, go to college, get a job. Well I want to be wealthy, and that's not the path to wealthy, nor is it the path to brilliant, or fit.
What is the difference between cocky and confident? hopefully I'm walking it well enough. But inside I know I'm capable of achieving all of the things I want out of this life. My goals, some extravagant, some modest, some understandable, are many (see my list of things to do before I die on FB in my notes) and in my mind attainable. But my struggle is a long on and I need support, but finding the right system of support is difficult. I decided I was going to write this post last night when I couldn't see the stars. I find solace in the stars, although far away, there was a air of guidance in the summer sky. The consetellations resting over me as observers, or protectors, or just mindful creators. My stars, lay in Orion (the hunter). He was the first constellation I could find consistantly, and is the most recognizable for me as seen above.